Monday, October 15, 2012

A Day of Remembering and Love

'Candles' photo (c) 2009, L.C. Nøttaasen - license:
Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  Unfortunately, I can participate in this somber event.

Fourteen years ago, I was 16 weeks along with my first child.  It was around this time that I felt the baby move for the first time.  I could not wait to hold this newly minted life in my arms.  I was eagerly and nervously counting down the days and dreaming about meeting my child for the first time.

But dreams sometimes turn to nightmares.  I got to see my son for the first time as they were wheeling him past to take him to a bigger hospital that could handle such a sick child.  You see, he did not start breathing on his own, he never woke up.  My baby held on for five days while we did everything to memorize every tiny detail.  We sang to him, rocked and cuddled him, opened the window so he could feel the fresh air, we baptized him and then we gave him permission to go.

My heart will never be the same.

I have been told that there is a reason that this happened.  I don't know what that reason might be, but I know that he taught me much in his five days in this world.

Dear Christian,
    Thank you for teaching me to never take your brothers for granted.  I snuggle them a little tighter.
    Thank you for teaching me that every life is precious.
    Thank you for preparing me to minister to other moms who have went through this horrible tragedy.
    Thank you for showing me that love can be so strong that it transcends pain and separation.
           You will never be forgotten.
                      Love, Mommy

If you have been touched by a loss like this, I would ask that you join in today.  At 7 pm where ever you are, please light a candle and keep it lit for at least an hour.  This will create a wave of light and love, starting on the east coast, it will extend over the hours across the country.  We all just want our babies to be remembered.


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